Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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