My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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