I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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