People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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