he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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