when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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