I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
that is very illegal...i love you.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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