i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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