OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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