I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
