I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
