Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We need to rekindle our bromance
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Panties = found
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
