I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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