so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
