I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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