You can't motorboat a personality
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
