I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
