she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
