Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
