Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
