dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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