I want to have your abortion
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
