We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
