The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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