My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
