Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
