Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
