at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
