i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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