is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
