Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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