My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
