Apparently you make a good broom.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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