and you said cock pushups were impossible
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
