I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
