My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
