..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
