great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
