So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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