I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
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