I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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