In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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