mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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