he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
