Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
