he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
