It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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