Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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