my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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