Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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