i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
