and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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