her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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